Not the desired direction

Going through a writer’s block and overcoming it is a challenge most will relate to because this doesn’t happen easily or automatically. It is not as much about putting in the efforts as it is about finding the right space to let go of old inhibitions to put something good in the form of a few words. It is difficult in the sense that we do not discover any new idea over night. The harder you try to find words the more impossible it will seem to find you. Sometimes while you are sitting inside a cute cafe while your friends are trying hard to get that perfect shot for the gram, you think about the old times and the times you had missed out on many things that you could have had to yourself. Instead of grooving to the music that is playing in the background, you choose to let yourself get immersed in that thought for a little while even though you are surrounded by people and the waiter is asking for your order. And at that moment my friend, for the sake of old times, you decide it is time to hit the books or more correctly in my case the notepad on my two years old phone that has supported me through thick and thin but sometimes it makes sense to let go of a few things when they cease to serve us for good. Or should we wait some more? Let’s see.

It took me a while to decide the title of my next blog because I wanted it to ‘’ sound perfect’’. Alas, everything in my life is far from being perfect, including me, because it is supposed to be that way. The more I have tried my hands at taking control of things, the more they have slipped and caused me pain. I do not know if it is an inherent quality or something that I have picked up in the many years that I have lived, but it disappoints and angers me when things do not behave according to my wish. I am someone who gets annoyed for absolutely no reason whatsoever, but for the sake of the people I like, I mindfully try to correct my otherwise bad behaviour. And that is something I always appreciate about myself even though I do not seem to fulfil half of what what I try to achieve. The intention along with the effort that I consciously make to take others into consideration while making a decision or while behaving in a certain way is something many will not do for you. But that shouldn’t stop you from doing it either. I had read it somewhere where one had mentioned being taken advantage of every time people needed him to do things for them. And while that person realised being asked for only at the times of crisis, he never refrained from helping them because it is not in him to be unkind to someone while they need him the most. I used to think to myself as how can someone be so foolish to let others get the good of him while they don’t reciprocate the same towards him. But over the years I have felt the same thing being done to me and honestly I couldn’t be a bad person to someone just because they weren’t good enough for me at some point of time. It is not in me to deny someone the basic courtesy even if they do not put in their minimum effort for me. I guess we are all moulded in a certain way and no matter where we reach in life we will never be able to erase that aspect of our being. I am not asking you Readers to withhold the things that tick you off or trigger you in a wrong way. Throw away those baggage right away. But if there is something to you that makes you for who you are and that does not coincidence with the image what others have of you, do not felt cornered to erase it from your life. Because the things that reside in our core is all that we have to ourselves. Nothing more or nothing less.

For a long time I have kept many things only to myself thinking it might help me take better decisions without being corrupted or bombarded with other’s opinion on it. While it serves us good for a while, not sharing will not take away the burden or make the pain any less. Instead it works wonders when you open up about your insecurities and problems to the right people in your lives because you realise you are not the only one fighting the same battle. Often we do not take into consideration the value others can add in our lives with their opinions and think of people having an opinion about our lives as something that needs to be discarded. While it stands true for the many people who do not take any interest in bettering our mental space, it is essential to show our vulnerabilities from time to time because as much as you run away from it, deep within everyone is scared to be judged or questioned for their actions. You will not gather the courage to open up about your vulnerabilities over night but it starts with you taking a step today. It is sad that we have romanticized the idea of being a strong man or being a strong woman because people question their worth when they feel low or feel weak. As if it is not something that we are not supposed to feel. When the people who are at the top of the hierarchy have not been spared from the clutches of insecurities and doubts, what gives people a right to judge others who might feel they are a little lost. It does no good to run away from something that is in the way of how nature has crafted us to be. So celebrate your weaknesses but first recognize and accept it. Nothing good can ever come from comparing yourself with someone who has not had even a percent of the experiences that you have lived and breathed in your life. May be we all can do better at not trying to constantly tear ourselves apart to preserve the image others have for us because it is not worth it. Hope you are doing better than me Readers. See you soon, Readers ❤

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