Last rites
Hello Readers. I hope the summers are not too taxing on you.
I am a very weird combination of both my parents. I have got the calmness genes from one and a set of short tempered genes from another which has not been a very successful amalgamation according to me or do you think it has been? It is very confusing for people to judge me because at times I am patient and at other times it would be in someone’s benefit to maintain a fair distance from me because I am afraid they could not bear the wrath of my mind that surprises me as well. Before you advice me on practicing the many ways through which we can control our mind which you are very much welcomed to try, let me warn you. No matter how much you try to change, a stubborn person like me will always do the opposite of what has been asked of me. It’s a habit of mine to dismiss other’s opinions and suggestions regardless of how helpful or true they are because I am a stubborn person whether or not it suits me.
I have said it through my blogs many times that I am not good at sharing bits and pieces of my life through my writings because I do not want to be seen and introspected by many who know less than even little about me. But then, I am someone who changes her opinions with time and no matter how rigid I may look or be, I allow myself to be flexible in changing my perspectives if it has a chance to add a better value to my life. You should be careful with not listening to me very seriously because half of the things I say or mention are felt only momentarily and even if there is some truth in them I very much doubt if they are instances that could be used as our guiding path.
Before delving any further into my thoughts that knows no boundaries, I would like to talk a little about what I wanted to convey to you Readers. I have kept my blog very candid just as I keep my life non serious because I do not know what good could ever come out of something that has been put through too much of grinding for a little shine at the cost of losing its uniqueness. Do not get me wrong, I am a faithful supporter of all things that needs improvement because someone had mentioned it to me, that the biggest room in the whole wide world is the room for improvement. Although I hold this belief dearly to myself, I think it is safe to say that out of everything else, our feelings do not need any polishing, at least for most of the times. I believe as long as we are conducting ourself properly and rightly, our feelings do not need to be moulded according to the whims of others.
I get so carried away with my thoughts that I have not yet told you what my main motive was behind writing this blog post. I am someone who does not deal with death very well. People who have left years before still feel fresh and lively in my memories and I doubt if I will ever overcome their loss even though I have become much better at hiding when it bothers me. But this is not what I have to discuss about. It is surprising how life comes a full circle if you ever think about it. When years before I lost my great grandmother, I was not able to go to see her one last time because of other factors. I guess somewhere I have always missed that I did not get a last chance to see her even though she couldn’t have seen me. But like I said, life comes a full circle in ways we do not expect. Months before when I lost my grandmother, I could stand next to her funeral pyre and watch her last rites done. I was a part of something that I will not talk about here but it made me feel as though I got an opportunity to see and touch someone I hold very dearly and think very highly of for the last time. Even though I could not be a part of someone’s last moment, I filled that void that had been eating away a good part of me since all these years by filling it with a similar experience. I guess it does not matter to the dead what we do with them because it’s only the living that has to suffer. It might sound too gloomy but in all honesty, it was one of the things that helped me recover a great deal even though there was a great loss. The optimist in me always finds a way to make things bearable and no matter how many unconvincing traits I might possess, this one quality is my guiding force.
Until next time, Readers ❤
